hot ghoul gift guide
holiday treats for your special succubus
when i think of holiday shopping two things come to mind 1.) the warm clove candle smell wafting through an over-crowded macy’s and 2.) the pushy perfume ladies ready to douse me in clinique happy, then lovebomb me into purchasing a gift set i don’t need. both are a delight to my senses for very different reasons.
but if you’re not a mall dweller like me, and still need last minute gift ideas for (either for yourself or the siren who’s ensnared you for the winter), here is a little list of luxuries to warm any dark, depraved heart.
✢ candle discovery set by graveyard wanders
for: the ghoul who is into candles and indecisive
if she hates turning on the big light, hangs dried flowers in the doorway, or has said some version of “i wish my apartment smelled like a funeral home”, this set of 6 dreadfully delicious candles will have her crawling on the ceiling with joy.
all forms of fragrance graveyard wanders concocts are otherworldly, but their candles are unmatched when it comes to setting an atmosphere that’s equal parts haunting and homey. the best worst financial decision i made in 2024 was spending over a hundred doll hairs on full sizes of these right before halloween. fruit of the gloom smells like you’re listening to cherry by lana in the attic of a victorian mansion. at rest smells like catholic mass, but make it evil.
whether you get this set for a lover or your own olfactory fulfillment, it’s the perfect way to try multiple offerings from what i believe to be the best candle brand in the game.
✢ confession booth
for: the ghoul on her fifth fleabag rewatch
daddy is out. father is in. this season, reject the creature comforts of a consumerist christmas and lean in (or kneel down) to its original significance. this confession booth is made of rich dark oak wood and dates back to 1865. an absolute essential for any antique enthusiast. also great if you need a secluded place to decompress and shriek during holiday chaos.
note: this gift can also work for the interview with the vampire fan who likes to bring people home, only to have them watch in silence as they recite louie’s “i laid down with the devil monologue” from season 1.
✢ vampire chronicles - leather-bound, signed
for: the ghoul with preternatural brain rot
speak of the literal devil…honestly, it’s semi-unethical that i’m putting this on the gift guide because i will probably end up buying one of the few available copies myself. this year i had the life-changing experience of discovering the vampire chronicles universe through the amc+ show interview with the vampire. anne rice’s writing is unlike anything i’ve ever encountered and is the main reason i was able to find my way out of a two-year writing and reading slump. (that, and deleting instagram off my phone for 2 days).
my only real gripe with the books is that for some reason, the physical copies sold at most bookstores don’t do the series justice in terms of aesthetics. and as our lord and savior lestat de lioncourt would say, aesthetics are all there is. after scouring the internet for alternatives, i stumbled across these very rare, very pricey black leather, copies and i have been coveting them ever since. if someone in your life is as lestat-pilled as me, snatch these up before i do.
✢ lake fire eyeshadow palette by girl cult
for: the ghoul whose glam room doubles as a hellmouth
it’s hard to get out the door on time when you’ve been summoned from the depths of hell. that’s like two commutes. one way to streamline your morning (or midnight) routine is to minimize decision fatigue—and an eyeshadow quad filled with every fiery shade your infernal heart desires is the perfect way to achieve that.
(in the spirit of honesty, i haven’t actually tried anything from girl cult yet but every review i see is nothing but tens across the board. i have a haul from chic decent on its way with plenty of products from this brand, including a cool-toned version of this palette, so if it ends up being a flop i will update this with an addendum below).
✢ your secure four-digit pin
for: the ghoul who says you don’t have to get her anything
we all have a person in our lives who insists “no, no, please don’t get me anything” when gifts are brought up, even though we know full well that’s code for “you better get me something thoughtful and extravagant, otherwise i’ll ice you out at my holiday party and frame you for eating all the brie”. (aka me—i’m a slut for reverse psychology).
so what better way to win over the machiavellianista in your life, than giving her unfettered access to your debit card? that way you’re not actually getting her anything, and she gets to indulge in CCCF (consensual credit card fraud).
✢ poltergeist by heretic
for: the ghoul who doesn’t play about weird shit
lately i feel like so many brands are paying reviewers to wax poetic about how strange and twisted a fragrance is, when in reality it smells like every other scent with an incense note. poltergeist on the other hand is the real deal. if you know (or are) a fragrance ghoul who’s been craving something genuinely bizarre to spritz onto her corporeal form, this is it.
i own a travel-sized version of this that i got in heretic’s season of the witch discovery set back in october. and while each item in the set had something unique to offer, poltergeist was the clear stand-out. one whiff sweeps you away into an ever-changing realm of unearthly delights and backwoods horrors. it’s like if baba yaga had a signature scent.
✢ outback steakhouse gift card
for: the ghoul with taste
love thrives where onions bloom. what better way to profess your undying devotion to your paranormal paramour than over shrimp on the barbie and a few castaway cocktails? forget what the “foodies” say. move beyond the michelin star. surrender to the pleasures of unlimited honey-wheat bread and an unchanging menu. all true purveyors of fine dining know that the pinnacle of seduction and romance lies within the glossy wooden booths of the OB SH. why do you think true blood (one of the horniest shows to ever air), took place in a near-exact replica of this iconic chain?
all of this to say, she doesn't need a candlelit dinner when her home already looks like the phantom of the opera lair. she wants the chance to eat ribs in an off-white lace corset dress next to an $8 table lamp, while someone in a pin-covered polo shirt brings her endless rounds of diet coke.